successful shopping + cute and well-dressed children expedite the ebb of hostility

last night after work i went to the mall with a list, a plan, and a route planned out. i made a tremendous amount of headway with minimal pain. amazing. i was really prepared for a walk through the seventh level of hell, but it was instead, surprisingly pleasant. the mall was full of beautifully dressed little children having their pictures taken with santa, and all that cuteness didn't hurt. no one was mean or rude to me the whole time i was there, even after i had so many packages that, between them and my giant belly, i was having trouble navigating the aisles in the stores. i even had some extra niceness from a handful of clerks in a couple of my favorite stores. amazing. so let's just say--i am in a WAY better mood today. i think my hostility is abating a little bit...

somewhere in the drive home from my last stop, i hit a wall of tiredness so significant that i think i could have just pulled over and spent the night on the side of the road less than a mile from my house. it's kind of amazing. when my body is done these days, it's just DONE. no arguing. i had grand plans to get a bunch of packing done last night so i could ship stuff today, but alas--this did not happen. so people far away from me? your shit is going to be late. the end. i have done my best, but i am sorry to say, i have failed you. tomorrow i will make a massive post office run, and we will see what makes it and what doesn't. my hopes, they are not high. oddly enough, i am not that stressed out about this for once in my life. i have done what i can, and now--wahtever... these people know that i love them and that my life is insane, and they will understand when things are not on time. i will run the rest of my errands this weekend, i will fill my house with people i love and fabulous little girls who i will turn loose with cookies and icing and sprinkles, and i will wrap things and knit things for the entire two days before christmas. and after tomorrow, i am off work for over a week. i can't wait.

my one last lingering annoyance is that the etsy order that i placed almost a month ago is still not here. i have tried to contact the seller, but have received no response, which is a bit of a disappointment. there's nothing i can do about it but hope the stuff eventually shows up, but it sure does suck. maybe those can be next year's presents.

jackie goes postal

today my friend tina and i went to carolina cafe where we often meet for lunch--it gets super crowded, so we go early, snag a table and get in line. one table had 4 laptops on it, so we assumed ppl are sitting there, right? but in the WHOLE time we were there, no one sat down there. and then a guy from the next table over, got up, picked up a cell phone from that empty table, and sat back down. it turned out that 4 business guys were having a meeting over lunch at the next table, and they left their laptops at the table beside them, a booth at a prime location in the restaurant. there were at least 5 groups of ppl are standing around with nowhere to sit, holding their food. people kept checking to see if that booth was occupied. these guys finished their food, then move back over into the table with the laptops just as we were leaving, and i lost my shit. i told them they should win some kind of rudeness award, and that i thought sometimes something just needed to be said to people who acted like that. they were hostile of course, and one of them even tried to deny that they had been occupying the table next to them. at that point, i ALMOST started talking smack about their mamas, but then i decided that would just put me on their level. i don't usually lose it at people like that, but this time i just could not help it. it was all i could do not to yell, "happy motherfucking holidays, assholes!" as i walked out the door. but i showed some restraint. go me.

don't even listen to me--i'm too whiney to be tolerated

today i am not a people person. i am irritable and stressed and just want to go home. i am annoyed that i ordered all this stuff for christmas ages ago, and none of it is here. this makes my presents to others late, which i hate, but what can i do? i have no backup plan for what to do if my presents fail to arrive. nor do i have a backup budget laying around. *sigh* i am sick of work, sick of having no time, sick of being tired, and sick of hearling myself whine about it all. i have road rage, and i want someone to bring me a really good cup of tea right now. i guess this is just "one of those days". i am certainly ready for it to be over. blah.

gettin' there...

christmastime's a comin', people. who's ready? certainly not yours truly, although i am running to catch up as fast as i can! slowly, slowly, i am getting it done. i finally mailed all the christmas cards today. i have at least SOME presents, although i have wrapped not a single one. and i am so sad--i placed a big etsy order in november, and i have yet to see that stuff. there was something in there i was hoping to give this weekend, but alas--that will not happen. and i have SO MUCH shipping to do! whew! let's just say, i am really glad i decided not to knit presents this year--there's no way i would have had time to do it. strangely enough, i am not as stressed as i usually would be at being this behind. i am feeling almost human again for the first time in weeks, and we have plans to go to our favorite big holiday party this weekend. PLUS, there's an ikea run on the table for sunday afternoon--an added bonus. i can't say enough how much i love the ikea. it's filled with awesomeness. affordable aweseomness! but i digress... there's a tree in the house, and boy, it's a BEAST of a tree. the hippie put the lights on (because he loves me), and they have been on there for almost a week. the ornaments (my job) remain wrapped and packed. the tree skirt? still in storage. but there's a tree, by god. apparently the poor hippie is stuck in work hell, so it seems we may be trapped in NC until in the morning. maybe i'll just go on home and put some ornaments on that there tree, and maybe wrap a present or two, and i don't know--pack for the weekend. y'all have a good one, too. :)

half way home

check out the belly! last friday was the 20 week mark for my pregnancy--half way home. it's still almost impossible for me to believe, even though, as you see, i have the belly to show for it. i am starting to accumulate baby stuff, which continues to freak out both the hippie and me. and yet--it's so freakin' cute, it's hard not to be a little excited about it now. it's a strange thing--i am still too nervous to be all excited. i guess everyone reacts differently. i have spent the past couple of years trying to accept NOT having any children, and here i am, about to have one. it's a tremendous mind shift. of course, i firmly believe that my baby will be the strongest and best and smartest baby ever born. of course i look forward to that smell of his little fuzzy head and to holding him asleep on my chest like a bean. but it's also so scary. i never knew what a mix of emotions i would be feeling if this ever happened to me! it's so overwhelming sometimes. the hippie is handling it all better than i am, but i think some of that is just because he's less emotional than me. it's fun, it's distracting as hell, it's nerve-wracking,a nd yes, it's exciting, too. especially now that i can feel him moving all the time. he's active, and it's not as weird as i thought it would be. in a way, it's such a comfort, him moving around. it's reassuring me that he's ok and that he's here with me. one of my best friends was telling me that it felt in some ways like a loss when her son was born, not to have him fluttering inside anymore--kind of lonely. i can totally see that. but i digress... the news of being half way is--the plague is nearly gone but for a cough i can't quite shake, and the nausea is mostly abated with a few early morning exceptions here and there. i am mostly ok, if still a bit tired. so far, so good. i have another doctor's appointment this week, in which i will certainly get to hear his heartbeat again. i look forward to that every time. :)

giant red cat brush

we've got a new sofa--it came in the day before thanksgiving, and it's beautiful, and i love it, and it looks fabulous with our new rug. but there's a wee little problem. the fabric is brushed canvas--we picked a canvas because we thought it would hold up better to the cat claws that live with us--and it's doing that beautifully. however, the word "brushed" apparently has some unforseen consequences. brushed canvas has a bit of a knap to it. which means that when the kitties come and lay upon the new divan (read: always), the fabric is brushing their fur and clinging to it like freakin' fly paper. i've been vacuuming the thing twice a week. looks fantastic for about--oh--three minutes or so, until the cats are all--"hey, thanks for cleaning up the new couch for us--that was really getting nasty there. you, with the thumbs, come over here and pet us. and maybe a treat?" little bastards are getting fur all over my new couch. i guess nothing's perfect. that said--the new sofa has passed the sick test--i've been on it pretty much all week and my verdict is Damned Comfy.

getting back to human

i am finally starting to feel better, although now i have these amazing 20-minute coughing runs that just seem never to end about 5 times a day. i sound like a frog, and i'm sniffly, and this is such a vast improvement over how i was feeling a few days ago that i feel like dancing. the bad news is that all this time on the couch has resulted in little knitting--you would think i would have done more, but alas, i was not up to it. my focus has been for shit, and i have been trying to use what brain power i've got to keep up with work. that said, i could get used to working from the couch. i get way more done from home than i do at work--i wonder why that is... less distraction maybe. also, maybe as sense of guilt for being comfy on the couch instead of sitting in the flourescent world of corporate america? anyway, i'm rambling.

in other and better and more interesting news, i felt The Parasite moving for the first time night before last, and again last night. looks like he's on his way to being nocturnal like his father. i can't wait for the land shark phase when the hippie will be able to feel it too. :)

this just in: being sick blows

and here's the thing--it's even worse when you are pregnant. i'm sick. the hippie has given me the plague he had last week, and it's dig in for the long haul, it appears. i had all these plans for the weekend--fun things like getting a christmas tree and re-organizing all of the books--and yet, no. i spent the weekend not breathing, napping, drinking tea, and apparently overdosing on sudafed. don't owrry--sudafed is on my very short list of crap i can take if i am all congested. however, who know that a dose was one tiny little insignificant pill. further, let me point out that at least two are required for the medication to have any effect. iam thinking maybe one pill is enough for a 100-pound girl, but not for yours truly. that shit just doesn't work. but anyway. now i am taking--oh--nothing. i am sitting on the couch, wishing for enough energy to knit or something, and dyikng to be able to breathe. BLAH. i am whiney and annoyed and useless. lucky for me, my immune system is down a bit from being pregnant, so it should take me longer to get over this nasty cold. maybe tomorrow i will get past the point of being able to feel my heartbeat in my sinuses at least. y'all, this sucks. and it's making me miss scout even worse--she always sat with me when i was sick. blah blah blah. i am going to shut up as i am disgusting myself with the whining.

snakes and snails and puppy dog tails...

if that's what little boys are made of, then no wonder i am still throwing up every day...

we had a level 2 ultrasound yesterday where we confirmed that all the parts are present and accounted for, everything is working like it's supposed to, and that we are indeed having a boy. kieran, not rosemary. it's a mental adjustment to let go of the idea of either gender at this point, so you know--it's a combination of excitement and disappointment. i am excited by the thought of a healthy and sturdy little hippie toddling around after his father trying to fix things with a leatherman micra and learning to sail and writing computer programs from age three. but i am also sad to lose the prospect of ribbons and dresses and knitting little lace sweaters for a girl, too. life is filled with bittersweet things like this i guess. don't get me wrong--i AM happy about the boy in spite of my desire for a girl. and mostly i am happy that he's healthy and active and robust. he's about 5 days larger than his gestational age would indicate, which is right on target for us. the hippie was over 10 pounds at birth. my brother was 11 pounds and 10 ounces. this doesn't bode so well for my comfort level, but it does mean that we don't really have any worries in the failure to thrive department either.

i'd show you some pictures from the ultrasound, but honestly they were mostly crap. we only have a few in spite of the hundreds they took--no one gave us a fabulous DVD this time--and none of them are really very clear. sad. i can tell you though--it's awesome to see him and spend so much time watching him move about. he was sucking his thumb, which was really cute. he has all his fingers and toes, we saw all the chambers of his heart, his brain, his abdominal organs, the bones in his legs and arms, his skull--all of it. it's mind-blowing.

he.

have to get used to saying he instead of it.

and now the house is officially full of testosterone. two boy cats, a hippie, and soon, a little boy baby. i told the hippie--i am getting a fluffy girl dog and tying it's fur FULL of pink ribbons.

back home, on my own...

oh yeah--i blew it. that whole posting every day in november--well--we got on the road on friday, and i just utterly forgot. and then it was already screwed up, so i admit, i just didn;t worry about it over the weekend while i was at my parents' house. oh well--nothing lost i guess, although i admit i am a little disappointed in myself. stupid type a personality...

anyway--check out these cute as hell babies! these are kimmie's twins, matthew and katherine. they have an older sister, caroline, who is also very cute, but who, unfortunately, i didn't take a single picture of. heck, i barely took any pictures at all on this trip--i was mostly holding babies, or feeding babies, or riding, or feeding babies, or something. i gotta say, kimmie got lucky here--these babies are good natured, adorable, smiley, and they smell good. in short--they are nearly ideal. it is my experience that matthew (my new boyfriend--sorry, hippie!) is more demanding and would mostly rather be eating than just about anything else. katherine seems more reserved and mild-mannered. clearly she thinks her older brother is bourgeois. caroline is toddling around, and appears mostly indifferent to her tiny twin siblings. she's in that phase where she's learning to talk, talking a mile a minute, and you can understand about 2/3 of what she says. she can very clearly say "backyardigans," however, and thank god for it--her love of that show probably saved our asses on the drive down. (btw, the backyardigans have my vote for cool kids' show, even though their website kind of sucks. i am not a fan of dora, who yells everything and tells lies. a riddle is NOT just a silly question, dora! but i digress...)

so that's where i was on friday--kimmie and i (with major help from the man of the house) loaded up the luggage and babies in the minivan and headed south from detroit to our hometown in western nc. the drive went FAR better than we expected. by the time we got to dayton, we had a feeding and dvd schedule all worked out. i was even able to feed both babies at once due to my extraordinarily long arms. the only down side to me is that i feel i have now had enough road food to last about 3 years. i am currently in detox mode. but i digress... so--we got into the hometown at something like 4am, at which time i fell into my parents' guest bed and slept like a dead thing till at least 9 when the parasite demanded i go eat something. kimmie, unfortunately was not as lucky. when she arrived at her parents' house, caroline decided she was up for the day. at 4am. after a 13-hour drive. i know that i will have some moments like this at some point in my future. tell me how parents resist the black market purchase of tranq guns, people. whew. she seems to have recovered. and now i am back home until next wednesday when we split town for t-day. too much travel, man.

anyway--i am on my own till friday while the hippie is off at a conference in reno. the house still seems weird to me without scout, and even weirder with no hippie. and i admit, kind of missing those babies. kimmie, if you are reading this, go kiss the peach fuzz for me.

slow day at the office

today was fairly uneventful. i spent the bulk of it holding one or more babies and trying to do the job I came to do. tomorrow afternoon we will leave michigan and drive down to rutherfordton--should be quite an adventure. y'all cross your fingers for us that things go well. for now, i think i will retire early to rest up for the coming trip. us knocked up girls need our rest...

highlight of the day: it snowed this morning--so pretty to watch out the window with a baby sleeping on my lap.

michigan, baby

ah, blogging from my phone... how well i remember this from last year. today i flew up to detroit to see my friend kimmie and meet her nearly 4-month old twins. it's so awesome to see her not so little family on their home turf. the babies are adorable and caroline, the toddler, was very funny today showing off for me. i will be spending a couple of days here with these guys, and then we will pack up all the babies and our stuff and head down to nc to our hometown. cross your inger that we all survive the 11-hour drive in tact! meanwhile, prepare for more phone blogging from me...it's all i got for ya right now. :)

new baby in a new hat

i still haven't found time to clean up the SAFF pictures, but i did squeeze in this one little beauty from last weekend. this is madeline, my brother doug and his girlfriend chrissy's new baby. isn't she the cutest? and check out her fabulous new raspberry hat. see? i really have been knitting some--just not as much as i would like. which is why madeline's baby blanket, and the sweaters for kimmie's babies are still all half done. i will be meeting kimmie's babies tomorrow, and well--i am empty handed. this is very un-Southern of me. but i digress... so this is the third fruit hat i have knitted from ann norling's lovely pattern, and i still love it. it's fast and cute, and yet, still practical. this one was done with my beloved julia on some size 6 needles. i bet i make some more--there are more babies around, after all. :)

the road to hell...

i really do always have good intentions. but you know--life and work and all--they get in the way, and the next thing you know, i am back in that handbasket and feeling the flames get closer and closer again... today is no exception. i have lists--lots of them. i have prioritized and re-prioritized everything i need to do. and i feel like i am in one of those dreams where i am running and running, but getting nowhere. god, listen to me bitch. this has just been one of those days, y'all. here it is not even 9 o'clock, and i am beat--i feel like i have been through the ringer. i have all these pictures i want to get off my camera and onto flickr, but that ain't happening tonight. i have a lot to say about SAFF and ravelry and the cool knitting people who keep crossing my path. i want to tell you all about meeting my brother's new little baby and finding out that his oldest daughter is also pregnant. i want to talk about being knocked up. but man--today is not the day. i gotta get all scarlett o'hara on you people--i will tell you some of this stuff tomorrow. and then maybe some more the next day. right now, though--i am thinking maybe i will make and drink a cup of tea to fortify myself to handle one last load of laundry, and then i am crawling into the bed with a book. unless i skip the tea and laundry and go stright to bed. i'm just--done. wow. two days in a row of writing about being too tired to write--i am doing great over here, aren't i? lol--it's just been a long couple of weeks is all. i promise, it'll get better...

note: i DID manage to update the baby blog if y'all are interested... i can't decide whether to keep my ramblings about pregnancy over there or integrate back into one blog now that the word is out. any opinions?

too tired to write anything coherent

i'd like to have a real day off. today i tried to be somewhat productive, as i had pretty much let everything go for the past week. yesterday i thought i might be productive, but the truth is--i was just too washed out--tired and sad and useless. it wasn't a bad day, but productive it was not. today, however, i washed a ton of dishes, dragged my butt to the grocery store to re-stock, made a fabulous beef and lamb stew for dinner, and spent about 3 hours, maybe more, ironing the massive pile of linens i have been procrastinating dealing with for about a month. yes, i iron my linens. i may be the last person on the planet who is not a paide servant who does this. people make fun of me, but man--i love me a crisp, ironed, lavender-scented sheet on my bed. and especially pillow cases. you know, this is when i would normally say, "but i digress...: but in this case, i am not even sure what my point is. i am tired. the hippie and thk are a bit tipsy and being amusing in the kitchen. lord i love laid back sundays. i just need a repeat one tomorrow where i could maybe stop working around the house and just knit. i remember liking knitting...

i'm tired. i think i should maybe shut up.

scout

when i moved back to north carolina to go back to school, i moved into the cheapest house i could find to rent that was close enough to walk to campus. next door to me, renting from the same slumlord, was a woman, kathy, and her 8 cats. kathy had a soft heart and took in any kitty in need that crossed her path. a big orange tabby named roger, a balck and white tom named biscuit, a little matching black and white girl named molly, a few others who were too skittish to get to know, and a half grown tabby female named scout. all these kitties were loved and well-cared for, and most of them had clipped ears--kathy took them to the aspca to have them spayed and neutered because she could not afford the vet bills, and the aspca clips the ears of feral cats brought to them, presumably so that they don't duplicate the surgeries.

when i met scout, she had recently been hurt--trapped under a car and burned on her back--and was a bit wary of strangers. she was also the most vocal meower i had ever seen. after a bit of time, she learned that i was a cat person, and she started meeting me at my car when i would pull in, meowing for a scratch or two. in the other half of my duplex, a botany grad student sheri and her dog billie moved in. billie and scout were fast friends and took to sleeping ina pile on out front porch. even jojo, my former cat who hated everyone, took a liking to scout--they communed through the windows onto the porch. scout was just--part of life. not everyone treated her well--the frat boys down the street did SOMETHING to scout that made her panic when she was picked up--i don't know what, and i don't WANT to know. but she never ever wanted to be picked up--she fought tooth and nail if you tried. literally.

years passed. kathy met a man and got married. she moved away and took all eight cats with her. a couple of months later, there was a familiar meowing from the porch--scout had come back. she was starving and bedraggled and in a sad state. i went out and fed her, petted her, and supplied her with water. she stayed. she got better and fatter and happy again. i had jojo in the house, and scout outside. then jojo had a heart attack--she was sitting on my lap purring one minute and gone the next. i was shocked and devastated and unprepared, but in retrospect, that was about the best pet death one could ever hope for. by this time i had graduated from school and was thinking about moving out of the ghetto--the time seemed right. i made plans to move to an apartment complex in a newly developing area. but what was i going to do with scout? i didn't really feel ready to take on another pet, but i could not just leave her to starve either. i called every no-kill pet shelter and rescue i could fine, and no one would take her because her ear was clipped. it still shocks me that something the aspca had done to the cat rendered her un-adoptable to every rescue place on the map. so--i did what i had to--i kept the cat.

in one day, i changed scout's life forever. i lured her into the house and closed the door behind her. the same afternoon, i took her to the vet for shots and a check-up. she was healthy as a horse they said. scout and i moved away from maiden lane at last. she howled like a banshee the whole way to the new place and hid under the bed for a week. but she adjusted. she came out and interacted with me and slept on the bed at night, but it was clear that she was lonely. she had never been alone in her whole life. so--i decided to get scout a kitten. when a man i work with brought in a litter of 8 kittens his girlfriend had rescued from a madman, i immediately told him i wanted one. instead, as happens with people like me who are ultra-susceptible to the cute, i came away with two, samson and fergus. the difference in scout was night and day. fergus was, and still is, scout's cat. he was her shadow, her annoyer, and her constant companion. and scout--scout became one of the best cats i have ever known. affectionate, loving, happy, vocal, content. she loved other animals and children, and she was patient and tolerant of everyone. she was a slut for pleasure and adored anyone who would sit on the couch and absentmindedly stroke her silky fur. she liked to be between the hippie and me best of all--this is where she spent every moment possible for the past 4 and a half years. she was a cat who just made good company.

over the past three weeks, we noticed that she was losing some weight, but she didn't seem sick at all. cats are really good at masking symptopms, as it turns out. this is the first time in her life that scout has ever been sick, and i guess the last as well. it was just too much to fight. when they told me what was wrong, all i wanted to do was bring her home, and i am so glad i did. her last night was spent sleeping with me, and her last day was spent napping on her favorite blanket, purring the time away on the couch. when we took her in, she was calm and not afraid. and at the vet's office, i let her out of the carrier, and she snuggled down between me and the hippie and purred and licked my hand. when the doctor came in, he was surprised to find her purring. it was simple and fast and painless, for which i will forever be grateful. i know we did the right thing. and although it is AWFUL to lose her, i am glad she could die with dignity and without suffering.

the past two weeks have been terrible. the last few days, some of the worst i have ever experienced in my life. but i weigh this sadness against the years of happiness and all the joy that scout brought into my life, and i have to say--it is all worth it. she was the best cat ever. and oh, how i loved her. i will never forget the feel of her thick soft fur or the sound her loud-ass meowing or her warm comforting presence by my side. i will miss her every day.

i am grateful for the support of everyone over the past week. it's amazing what an impact a pet can have on you and how hard it is to lose one. they really do become members of your family. people get this, it seems--they come out of the woodwork to offer prayers and condolences. the original vet who saw scout yesterday called to see how she was and how i was and what had happened. two of my amazingly good friends figured out where scout had been hospitalized and called to make donations to help cover her massive bill--that was a shock when i went to pay the bill yesterday. unexpected and generous, unnecessary, but utterly appreciated. i have good friends, what can i say. i love you guys.

ok--i am going to stop now--i guess this is something like a wake for the kitty, it's a damned shame i can't drink a bunch of beer in scout's honor--i totally would if i weren't knocked up.

a youth in asia

today is scout's last with us. i brought her home from the hospital last night and took the day off from work to spend it with her. and i am so glad i did. she's purring and napping by my side right now. she hides her symptoms so well that you would almost not know she is sick. but he is. she has a large mast cell tumor in her abdomen, and there is nothing to be done for it--we COULD choose to put her though a major abdominal reconstruction, which she may or may not survive, and then treat her with chemotherapy afterwards. but to me, this is not an option--it would mean buying her some poor quality time for purely selfish reasons. i just cannot do that to her. right now, she is weak, but not in pain. she is not suffering, but is fading quickly. so this afternoon, we will take her back into the hospital, and end her life in a loving and humane way. and i have to say, this is the worst and hardest thing i have ever had to do in my whole life. i know with complete certainty that it's the right thing to do, and i hate every second of it. i have been lucky as a pet owner--this is the first time in 38 years i have had to make this kind of decision. this week has been pretty much god awful. it's just life, and i know that, but man--it sure feels heavy right now. i would really appreciate any good thoughts y'all could send my way today.

announcements

1) it's november. i will be posting daily again. we'll see if i can pull it off.

2) i'm knocked up. i'vee been quietly blogging about it on the side over here. i'll link that blog in in the side bar when i get a minute.

3) my cat, scout is very very sick and probably dying. i am depressed as shit and am in hermit mode as a result. blah.

4) i have pictures and all kinds of news and shit. a lot's been happening, as evidenced by my conspicuous absense from this here internet. it's coming people. be patient with me.

did i say blah already? if not, then--blah.

on socks...

yep, that's right--i've been knitting socks. i haven't been talking about it a lot as i have barely had time to breathe, buti HAVE been working on them. a couple of weekends ago, the hippie's friends all came into town to play D&D, as they are wont to do. to escape on saturday--i split the house and headed to the LYS, where my friend works to take advantage of the company, the good light, and the help. seemed like a good day to start making socks. i took everything i thought i would need with me, and still ended up buying a few more fiddly bits. (of course! it's the YARN STORE!) (click on that top picture for an explanation of all my gear--there are many notes on that pic.) for my first socks (again) (let us not dwell on last october's false start.) (poor unfinished alpine lace socks, languishing in the sock bag all this time...), i decided to copy some socks THK made a while ago--a pair of plain old knitted socks made of trekking. i love this yarn, both how it feels and how it automatically creates all these lovely tweedy stripes. i swatched it, aiming for 8 sts per inch, which i got on my first try on some 1's--go me. i learned to do a provisional cast-on, which means i also learned to crochet a chain, and promptly fucked it right up. the choice of dark green yarn to provisionally cast on for dark blue socks? perhaps unwise. so, what this means is that i spent two hours in the yarn store working on socks, only to come home with--exactly what i came in with plus $50 worth of random crap i just HAD to have. (what? that little blue bag matched my sock yarn? what could i do?) i started over the next day, and managed to get going on the cuff. a week of knitting later, i got going on the main part of ths sock. and you know, they look good. they will fit me. i want to wear them. but man--i am not loving knitting them. here's why. if i had more time to knit, i would be all over these socks. but i don't. i have precious little time, period, and my time to knit is even less. i think is this part of why i make so many baby objects--i have a prayer in hell of finishing them in under a year. i keep looking at these socks and thinking about how many stitches i have knitted on them already, and it's more than a whole baby blanket. and i KNOW this is the wrong way to think about it. it's a different beast entirely. but it's just frustratingly slow for me. i need a week to work on them to get one done. and i just don't have it. i am still trying. i am knitting every chance i get. i have touched nothing but socks all month. and you see before you what i've got. a third of a sock. i need to find a way to go faster. tonight i will knit on something else--i just need a break...

too much to do!

this past weekend, i actually started painting my studio. saturday i got it ready, sunday i put a coat of paint on it. i think i like the color, but of course, it needs a second coat to be sure. my plan was to finish it monday night, but instead i got kind of sick and ended up going to bed REALLY early monday. no painting. last night, we had a friend over for dinner. good time, but no painting. tonight, there will be a handful of people in the house for dinner as well, but i am still hoping to paint anyway. this may be a pipe dream, but i'm hoping... then tomorrow night, i can start putting the room back together, so that i can get all the studio crap out of the guest room so that people can actually sleep in the guest room this weekend. did i mention that we are having house guests this weekend? houseguest i LOVE and look forward to, but still... and now, my parents have decided by come miracle to come visit the following weekend as well. there's just too much to do. i need to quit my job to deal with my life. or at least get my environment set up the way i want it. sorry this post is such a bitch-fest. i am just feeling a tad overwhelmed today. thank god i took friday off.

by the way, i am holding crazy aunt purl's book out as a carrot to myself--i am not allowed to read it till the studio is done!