it's almost the end of march, many months after my last post. i have no idea how time passes as quickly as it does. this has been a full, full year--some good and some less so. the children are thriving and growing, and i feel so very lucky to have the life i have, even though it's a chaotic mess most days.our family is (mostly) healthy, (mostly) happy, and (mostly) enjoying each other.
today is maudlin for me--i am thinking about the mad rush two years ago to get to my brother's side before he drew his last breath. tomorrow is the second anniversary of his death, and in many ways, it is still an open wound. as adults, we weren't close for many years, but there is something intangible about knowing that your brother is there that just can't be replaced when he is gone. when his second daughter and then my first son were born, we saw each other more, talked more, and gave each other more support. when he got sick, all i did was read and read and read and try to prepare him and my parents and myself for what lay ahead--for the waste that cancer brings. i can't express how much hate that awful disease. my knitting group has a young friend, a barrista at the cafe where we knit, who got sick last fall and recently died after a brief, intense battle with lukemia. he was not quite 21 years old. another friend has a girlfriend who just had a malignant tumor removed from her brain, and is facing the long road to recovery and a lifetime of monitoring. she is in her 30s and has 3 small boys at home, one with special needs. so many families i know are affected by this horrible disease in so many ways. it's an emotional roller coaster for the patient and for all those who care about them. sometimes even for those who know them only peripherally. but you have to keep the faith. there are always cases like the hippie's aunt, a walking miracle, who had clean scans after a 4-year battle with a glioblastoma, a terrible brain cancer that is almost always swiftly fatal. medical science is a wonder, literally uncovering new solutions every single day.
anyway. this is what i am thinking about today as i go through all the motions of my job and mothering my family. i am treasuring the moments in front of me, no matter how frustrating or mundane or beautiful. i am reminding myself that life is a gift. i am seeking ways to make mine matter more.