Saturday, September 04, 2004


here's what i don't get.

i am fabulous. i work hard. i am reasonably intelligent; i can pick up on things really quickly. i can learn a new software package in a week or less--i have done it many many times. i can make a web site, draw anything you want me to, on paper or electronically. i can enter data. i am good with people, and i swear i could sell a blind man a lame horse, provided i believed in the horse. i can set up displays so that even bad things look good. i have experience in design, support, sales, marketing, teaching, and technical everything-under-the-sun. i have multiple degrees. i know a lot about art and a lot about science. i am an asset to a team. i am good at making other people feel accountable to me, and at taking responsibility for myself in the workplace. i am comfortable working with others or alone. i do not need a micromanager. i can both delegate and pick up the slack. i am an employer's dream. any employer.

so why don't i have a job?

don't worry, i am not going to start whining about this full time, but man, it does wear a person down, all this looking. and the real bullshit now is that i am in a position where i just have to find something--anything--to pay my bills. and i am angry that i am probably going to have to take a shit job, which will not mentally stimulate me or challenge me in any way, but which WILL force me to give up many of the things i have been doing since i was laid off--things i have enjoyed doing. things i wish i could make money doing, so there was a purpose to them beyond creating.

but hey--all is not lost--maybe i will still find a way to make it all work. today, however, i am brooding about it. maybe because i was having dreams of failure al night. hate when that happens.


Anonymous said...

Hey girlfriend, Keep the faith! All those who love you know that you are fabulous. Just give the world time to catch up to you. I have faith in you, and I know that things will work out. Love, Aimee

PastorChuck said...

"so why don't i have a job"

Could be your punctuation, lol