written at one month...

...but it's taken me till now to get his one month pictures cleaned up and posted. anyway--here's the one month post, complete with images at last:


how to structure this? i was thinking i would write monthly updates on the baby in the form of letters to him, but that's dooce's thing, and i don't want to copy the master... so, i think i will just give a progress report.

yesterday was the end of our first month with baby kieran. he's a total cutie, and, for the most part, a pretty laid back baby. of course, as i write this, he is sleeping on my chest because today, he's needy and won't tolerate being put down even for a second. i think we are entering a new phase. but then, that's what you are always doing with a baby, right? just when you think they are settling into something resembling a routine, everything changes.

for the first couple of weeks with the baby, we were in hardcore survival mode--doing well to remember to eat. it seemed like all i did was breastfeed and take him to the pediatrician's office. he wasn't gaining weight in spite of eating all the time, so i ended up supplementing with some formula a few times a day, which i am still doing. he's a huge eater, and i am just not making enough milk for his voracious appetite. the lactation consultant at the pediatrician's office made me feel like a total failure--she's NOT my favorite person. the consultants at the hospital were all fantastic, so her attitude and poor advice were a bit of a shock. i admit that i cried my way through the baby's first bottle, but man--i am so over it now. anyone who says breastfeeding is not a full time job has never done it. i want the baby to get all the benefits of it, so i keep on truckin' with it, but i keep feeding him formula, too. at some point in the next week i will try to start pumping some of the time as well in preparation for going back to work in july. not looking forward to that AT ALL. but i digress...

so the baby started gaining weight and has not looked back. he's getting rounder and chubbier every day--i swear he visibly grows with every nap. he does all the things babies do--eat, poop, sleep--lather, rinse, repeat. he has long periods of being alert and checking out his world, and has from day one. he sleeps for long stretches at night, thank goodness, so i am not as sleep deprived as i expected to be. when he does keep me up at night, i just nap with him during the day, which seems to work out. his favorite place to sleep is on my chest. he has learned the sound of my voice and his daddy's voice, and he has come to smile when he hears us or we talk to him. that's awesome! he is cooing, gurgling, and laughing more and more every day. and to keep things balanced, he has also become more needy and fussier. he still has that newborn cry, which has to be the sweetest cry on planet earth. i will be sad when it's gone. he's beginning to lose his newborn reflexes, although he still sleeps in a curled up little bean when he sleeps on my chest. he's cuter every single day. (maybe i am a little biased?)

for me, the hardest part of this whole thing has been a lack of contact with this hippie. the hippie and i are cuddlers--we sleep curled together and we hug and touch each other a lot. and with the baby here and demanding so much of my time and attention, there has been a lack of physical contact with his daddy. it's wearing thin. the other night, i put the baby down in his basket, and he was content there for a few minutes. the hippie hugged me and just being held by him without the baby between us made me cry. don't get me wrong, i am not depressed or anything. i love the baby and could not be happier with how he turned out and how he's growing and developing. but i am definitely still hormonal and in need of some physical comfort myself. that part's kind of hard. but we will adjust, and the baby will become less needy--i know this.

i am a lucky woman. i have a happy, healthy baby. i have a man who loves me and the baby both. i am healthy myself, and my recovery from the surgery has gone far better than expected. we live in an awesome area to bring up a baby. all is well here in new baby land.

ps--here's a link to the updated set of kieran pics. enjoy! :)