i cook a lot. i read food blogs like some people read news feeds. i am not a huge contributor to the online foodie network, but i am most certainly present for it. earlier this week, a food blogger i only occasionally read, jennifer perillo, lost her husband mikey very suddenly--he died last sunday, leaving her and their two children unexpectedly alone. i have been thinking about her all week. and about my brother doug's quick descent, leaving my sister in law and their children similarly bereft. and about myself and my two small children, and what we would do if something happened to our beloved hippie. i cannot imagine, and i hope i never, ever have to know what that's like.
since doug's death, i have become morbid. i think about death almost constantly, and i have bone-shaking fear in my heart every single day. i don't talk about it much--what's the point? and i go on living my life, loving my people, and doing what i need to do. but it's omnipresent--this cloud of doom that follows me. i am self-aware enough to know that this is my way of grieving. i know it will get better with time. but there are days when the weight is literally soul crushing. i cling to anything that can lighten that weight, even for a moment.
the events of this year have taught me, again and again, how very important it is to hold the people you love close to your heart every day. EVERY day! and TELL them you love them. and SHOW them you love them. every day. the whole purpose of this life is to make every second of it count, and i honestly believe you can do that only by living every day as though the future is unknown. because it IS unknown, and all you really have is what's right here in front of you now.
some folks who know jennie much better than i do set up an event for today: making her husband mikey's favorite peanut butter pie as a show of support and commemoration for his life. and in spite of the fact that i do not really know her, i wanted to add my efforts to the event so she will know that one more person in the world knows and cares about her and her family. further, making a peanut butter pie provided a perfect opportunity to tell my hippie that i love him and i am glad he's home. he's been away at a conference all week, and he came back late last night. i made the pie last night, and chilled it overnight so that it's waiting for him this morning as a welcome home gift. i predict he will love it since peanut butter is one of his major food groups. i think i will make him some coffee and serve him a piece of pie for breakfast.
so jennie--i am thinking about you. i am so sorry for the loss you have suffered this week, and i am sorry for the many days of suffering that will come in the next weeks as well. time will heal. and remembrance will help. thanks for sharing this recipe with us.
the recipe can be found here:
for the record, it's absolutely delicious!