Friday, November 02, 2007

a youth in asia

today is scout's last with us. i brought her home from the hospital last night and took the day off from work to spend it with her. and i am so glad i did. she's purring and napping by my side right now. she hides her symptoms so well that you would almost not know she is sick. but he is. she has a large mast cell tumor in her abdomen, and there is nothing to be done for it--we COULD choose to put her though a major abdominal reconstruction, which she may or may not survive, and then treat her with chemotherapy afterwards. but to me, this is not an option--it would mean buying her some poor quality time for purely selfish reasons. i just cannot do that to her. right now, she is weak, but not in pain. she is not suffering, but is fading quickly. so this afternoon, we will take her back into the hospital, and end her life in a loving and humane way. and i have to say, this is the worst and hardest thing i have ever had to do in my whole life. i know with complete certainty that it's the right thing to do, and i hate every second of it. i have been lucky as a pet owner--this is the first time in 38 years i have had to make this kind of decision. this week has been pretty much god awful. it's just life, and i know that, but man--it sure feels heavy right now. i would really appreciate any good thoughts y'all could send my way today.

9 comments:

Samantha said...

Sendin ya good thoughts, you're doing the right thing, as hard as it always is. *HUG*

sgeddes said...

All my good thoughts are headed your way today.

Kristin said...

we had to make the same decision a few years ago. i'm so glad i got to meet her. sending hugs. <3 K

Anne Kenealy Lindenfeld said...

Oh, I am so sorry! I had to put my beloved Luna (short for Lunar Love Cat) to sleep a few years ago as the result of an abdominal tumor. I wailed all the way to the vet and back home and then to the crematorium. Last year, Luna's son, Pesto, died of the same thing. This time, we had the funeral in the backyard, and our dog literally howled through it. After 4 days of him lying on his buddy Pesto's grave, I couldn't stand it anymore and planted a nice Nippon daisy bush over that good old mouser. Me and the dog are missing having the fine company of a cat around here. We are lonely and overrun with chipmunks. Pesto and Luna would be horrified.
Best to you. Hang in there!

Em said...

I'm so sorry, J. Sending my best wishes to you.

gray la gran said...

=(

Amy M said...

I'm a day late in seeing your message and my thoughts are with you, the hippie, samson and fergus for this weekend and beyond.

denise said...

too much running around yesterday and missed your post. i am so v/sorry, tears and hugs. we will miss her terribly! doing the right thing can be so v/hard. know you are not alone. love, hugsnkisses~momxxxooo

Jen said...

I am so sorry. Samantha is right, Doing the right thing is hard. I'll be thinking of you.