Friday, November 02, 2007
a youth in asia
today is scout's last with us. i brought her home from the hospital last night and took the day off from work to spend it with her. and i am so glad i did. she's purring and napping by my side right now. she hides her symptoms so well that you would almost not know she is sick. but he is. she has a large mast cell tumor in her abdomen, and there is nothing to be done for it--we COULD choose to put her though a major abdominal reconstruction, which she may or may not survive, and then treat her with chemotherapy afterwards. but to me, this is not an option--it would mean buying her some poor quality time for purely selfish reasons. i just cannot do that to her. right now, she is weak, but not in pain. she is not suffering, but is fading quickly. so this afternoon, we will take her back into the hospital, and end her life in a loving and humane way. and i have to say, this is the worst and hardest thing i have ever had to do in my whole life. i know with complete certainty that it's the right thing to do, and i hate every second of it. i have been lucky as a pet owner--this is the first time in 38 years i have had to make this kind of decision. this week has been pretty much god awful. it's just life, and i know that, but man--it sure feels heavy right now. i would really appreciate any good thoughts y'all could send my way today.