Thursday, June 29, 2006

y chromosomes

ah, men. what is it about that y chromosome that makes them all utterly incapable of social planning and completely filled with disdain for their health? i swear, information about social plans go in one ear and straight out the penis. and the bruises and scrapes and total disregard for personal injury?? that, i do not even have any explanation for. allow me to cite some examples:
  • the wednesday before we flew to paris (on friday), the hippie asked me, "are we doing anything this weekend?"
  • one of my bosses came to my office after we got home from the beach. "how was the beach?" he asked. and i told him it was awesome. and he says, "i sure could use a week at the beach." and i go--aren't you going to the beach in like two weeks? and he says, "no, i'm going for the week of the 4th though." do i need to point out that this was two weeks away? so--i said as much to him, and i asked which beach he was going to. he goes, "oh, i have no idea." he told me to ask his wife. qed.
  • last week the hippie tried to kill our friend harry in their kung fu class. by which i mean, he swept harry's leg out from under him--that part was supposed to happen. but he caught harry off guard and ended up cracking his head on the concrete floor. harry got up and finished class, but by the end of the hour, it was clear to the hippie that something was amiss, so they split class and headed to the ER. there, harry proceeded to ask the same questions over and over for hours. the conversation went like this:
    harry: what happened? did i hit my head?
    hippie: yep.
    harry: did you do it?
    hippie: yep. (the givi each other high knuckles)
    harry: did i finish class?
    hippie: yeah, you finished.
    harry: wow! i'm tough as nails! (pause) does jennifer know?
    hippie: yeah, i called her.
    (pause ~3 minutes, then repeat)
    the hippie did call jennifer, and then me from the hospital. however, he was laughing at harry so hard on the phone that jennifer actually thought he might be kidding. i guess it IS pretty funny, really. but still--scary, too.
  • how many women have you ever seen on that jackass show?
  • a while ago, i went to see my friend jeff, who is a heavy fighter in the SCA. he had a bruise on his arm where he had gotten hit a week before with a wooden broadsword. his entire upper arm was black, and on the underside of it, you could see the line showing exactly where he had been stuck by what amounts to a big-ass stick. by his friend. while wearing full chain mail. in the summer. this is called FUN. yeah.
  • my brother is an avid motorcyclist who builds his own bikes and machines a lot of his own parts. he also kayaks and goes white water rafting down the colorado river every summer. he's a truck driver. he wants to learn to scuba dive. i am cool with all that stuff--i think it's awesome that he's so active. medical insurance? i don't think he's ever heard of it.
men! can you relate to this, dear reader, or am i the only one who experiences this stuff? i think it goes hand in hand with that whole--they can't get through the 5-item list they have for the grocery store without calling the woman three times--thing. or maybe it's just chromosomal. one of the mysteries i suspect science will never solve...

4 comments:

somebunnysloveDOTcom said...

LOL. Thanks for bringing a bright smile during this drab and dreary grey day. No offense if you are a fan, but can you add Ben Roethlesberger to that list??
=:8

Anonymous said...

yeah, thanks for the laf! you know i totally relate....but, guess i've got a small piece of that chromosome since i've been there with the bruises and the finishing karate class - in spite of broken toes. so, i spose hippie has a double dose of that, sorry.
~hippies mom

amy said...

oh, and then for all the work of being a social coordinator - they ask things like - why don't we ever do anything with my friends?!?!
If y'all didn't plan everything 3 minutes before, we might!

Kristin said...

I'm impressed that they MADE it to the hospital....either testosterone or the chromosome seem to make the male species think that they are invincible and are above the need for modern medicine. The common cold, on the other hand, is an entirely different beast! A mere cold can turn a macho man into an infant in need of a mommy to nurse him back to health in no time flat! Does any other non-y-chromosome individual suffer from the plight of the man with a cold? I'd rather be sick myself!!