39 weeks

i feel like a ripe peach. i look down at my body, and i feel like i must resemble one of those african fertility goddess statues i have seen carved from soapstone and tiger wood and the like. it's so odd. amazing and cool, but still odd. i am not tired of being pregnant. i am not dying to get the baby out. i feel pretty good, even though he's lower down now, and things are moving. as of last monday, i was 85% effaced and dilated 1 cm. i'm having some contractions here and there, but nothing regular yet. this baby could come today, or he could come in a week. it's unclear. the only clear thing is that my belly is a big ol' thing now:

wait, there's one other clear thing these days: i am damned tired of going to the doctor's office. i have been going twice a week for a few weeks now, and i am kind of done with that part. DONE. i am sick of the two idiot nurses and wish i could somehow guarantee that i could get the Good Nurse every time i go in there. i am tired of the one doctor i don't like who over-reacts and talks too much about invasive and unnecessary procedures and uses words like fetal demise in my presense. in fact, i told them flat out i do not want to see her anymore. she stresses me out. i wish i could talk the baby into coming when one of my two favorites is on call, but i am well aware that the little beastie will come when he's ready, not when i'm ready. that said--this weekend would be awesome--one of the favored two doctors is on call all weekend, plus bonus--meredith will be here. nearly ideal.

anyway. the baby is doing great. i am doing great. in sppite of my high blood pressure, which continues to creep up, there's no sign that it's negatively impacting either me or the baby. good. keep that up, body. the two doctors i love are on board with us just letting things unfold as they will. the other two like to talk about inducing me and stripping my membranes and all kinds of things there's no reason to do. don't get me wrong--if this baby goes into distress of any kind, or if i start demonstrating any signs of problems, then by all means, interfere! get the baby out if we need to. but as long as all these tests i keep having every 5 minutes say everything is fine, then you know--shut the hell up, medical people, and let me just do this. and quit running negative scenarios for me, too. i can read, and i am reasonably intelligent, and i know the scenarios. i can run them just fine for myself, thanks.

yeah--i think i am getting a little grumpy over here. it's been a long week. people i need keep flaking out on me. i am so happy it's the weekend. i want some Down Time, and some time away from people constantly asking me, "when's your due date? do you know if you are having a boy or a girl? what will you name him? are you miserable yet? are you just ready to get that baby out?" somewhere areound 32 weeks, i should have just had some shirts made up with the answers to these questions on them. (yep. definitely grumpy.)

in other news, it's going to be something like a month before i get my car back. boo.

in still other news, it's friday, and i think i am going to go home early.