Tuesday, August 17, 2004

baby explosion

my baby count for 2004 is up to 14. that is 14 babies i can name who were born or are going to be born in 2004. and my 2005 count is starting to add up as well. it is really amazing to me how many people i know who are breeding at the same time. i mean, i know i am the right age for this, but damn people! do you have to do it all at once??!

as a woman about to turn 35, this does have an effect on me. i think thoughts like--am i ever going to have one? the jury is still out on that, but i feel the pressure of my age to make up my mind. i can't wait TOO long, or my body will answer that question for me. i feel like hitting 35 means hitting a fertility wall or something, like my ability to get pregnant, should i choose to do so, will be irretrievably impaired just by crossing that one line. and yes, i realize this is slightly irrational.

i also think about the friends who are having babies now, and the ones who already have them--really good friends. the hippie and i talk about the need to have a few baby things in the house for their babies, things like a toy box, a place for them to sleep, a high chair we can keep in the basement and bring out when we need it. and it makes me reaize that if i AM ever going to have a baby--i want it to be able to grow up with these baies all our friends are having. i want our baby to have cool baby friends, too. as a child who was much younger than the children of my parents' friends, i do not want to do that to our baby, if we do have one. it SUCKED always being the baby, literally 6 years younger than the nearest kid. i want our baby to have that sense of belonging and community that i never had from having a bunch of family friends.

if we have one that is.

like i said, the jury is still out...

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