yesterday my friend kimmie had a baby, a little girl named caroline elizabeth. healthy baby, and everyone is fine, so ther eis much reason to rejoice. and thank goodness it was a girl--i am out of boy-colored yarn!
it's strange for me really--kimmie is my oldest friend--we have known each other since i was eight and she was seven, and we have been through so much together. sometimes close and sometimes not, through high school and college and new york and boys and big moves and advanced degrees and fights and makings up and random crap--the history is just enormous between us. we spent endless hours as young girls talking about what we wanted from our futures--from boyfriends and husbands and children and houses--planning out imaginary lives the way girls do. and i am so happy for her--i know she is living the life she always wanted. and i can't wait to meet her new baby daughter. but the other truth is that i can't really think about her daughter without some major pangs of jealousy, too. all these births over the past few years have been a little bittersweet for me. i love all these children my friends keep having. but man, sometimes i am nearly overwhelmed with the desire to have my own as well. most of the time, i can hold that in check, but when the best friend of my childhood goes and has one, it's too easy to imagine our playing with hers in the yard at thanksgiving. *sigh* please don't take this to mean i am not thrilled for kimmie--i AM! but i am a little sad for me today, too.