alone

i don't get a whole lot of time to myself really. tonight i am alone, and there are so many different things i need and want to do with myself that i am almost immobilized. i am tired, run-down, and emotional lately--there's just been a lot going on. i am still in deep mourning for my lost house, for the friends and families of two people i knew who passed away last week, for my many friends who have received sweeping disapointments and bad news over the last month. and i guess, when i am alone, those things have a tendancy to float to the top a little bit. i don't even think this is a bad thing really--just a fact about how and when i deal with grief and sadness. i do it best alone. and at night. and tonight, i think i just give in. i will be like paul atreides with his litany against fear, only mine will be against sadness: i will let it pass over me and through me, and when it is gone, only i will remain.