half way home

check out the belly! last friday was the 20 week mark for my pregnancy--half way home. it's still almost impossible for me to believe, even though, as you see, i have the belly to show for it. i am starting to accumulate baby stuff, which continues to freak out both the hippie and me. and yet--it's so freakin' cute, it's hard not to be a little excited about it now. it's a strange thing--i am still too nervous to be all excited. i guess everyone reacts differently. i have spent the past couple of years trying to accept NOT having any children, and here i am, about to have one. it's a tremendous mind shift. of course, i firmly believe that my baby will be the strongest and best and smartest baby ever born. of course i look forward to that smell of his little fuzzy head and to holding him asleep on my chest like a bean. but it's also so scary. i never knew what a mix of emotions i would be feeling if this ever happened to me! it's so overwhelming sometimes. the hippie is handling it all better than i am, but i think some of that is just because he's less emotional than me. it's fun, it's distracting as hell, it's nerve-wracking,a nd yes, it's exciting, too. especially now that i can feel him moving all the time. he's active, and it's not as weird as i thought it would be. in a way, it's such a comfort, him moving around. it's reassuring me that he's ok and that he's here with me. one of my best friends was telling me that it felt in some ways like a loss when her son was born, not to have him fluttering inside anymore--kind of lonely. i can totally see that. but i digress... the news of being half way is--the plague is nearly gone but for a cough i can't quite shake, and the nausea is mostly abated with a few early morning exceptions here and there. i am mostly ok, if still a bit tired. so far, so good. i have another doctor's appointment this week, in which i will certainly get to hear his heartbeat again. i look forward to that every time. :)